A Secret Inside
by Anna Gaskill
Summary: Sixth Year Lily and James went out for a short time, then he broke up with her for someone else. Their still friends, but Lily has a secret and she doesn't know how to tell him that she's pregnant. AU.
1. Chapter One

A Secret Inside

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A/N: This is just a little thing that appeared in my head. I just wrote it cuz it seemed interesting. If anyone reading this has any L/J fics, please review and tell me your story! I'm in a L/J mood and I feel like I've read all of them. Really! I read a lot even if I don't review. I know this isn't 'mathematically correct,' but I just wanted to get the thing out of my head. Please r/r and tell me what you think. I'll go on if I get at least 5 reviews.

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Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter, Lily Evans, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, or any other characters in the series. They all belong to J. K. Rowling.

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Chapter One

They had always been able to tolerate each other, Lily Evans and James Potter, so when he was desperate for a date, she agreed to go with him. That was the beginning of their relationship. The two were together for two months, which was longer than he had ever been with any other girl before. Everyone talked about them, they were couple of Hogwarts. A few days into the third month, he broke up with her for Gina Lowe, a seventh year Ravenclaw. Of course, Lily was upset, but they decided to remain friends. A few weeks later, she was reminded of their short time together with a souvenir that wouldn't arrive for another nine months.

This was why sleep wasn't coming for Lily that night. After tossing and turning in her bed for who knows how long, she gave up trying. Instead, she quietly got out of bed and snuck down to the common room, careful not to wake anyone else. There were many questions that she had to think about and if anyone woke up, she didn't want to explain why she was up and what she was doing. No one, with the exception of herself and the nurse, knew that Lily was pregnant. She wasn't sure when, or even if, she was going to tell James.

A fire was still burning brightly in the common room. "Looks like the last person forgot to put it out, again." She sighed, taking a seat in the red arm chair that sat the closest to the blazing flames. She brought her legs up to her chest and curled up under a wool blanket that she brought down with her. Questions kept filling her head, main one being if she was ready for this. Then she quietly chuckled. "A little late to be asking that, eh, Lily?"

"Are you talking to your self, again?" A voice from the boy's stairs called. Turning her head around, she saw James leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed and grinning. She nodded her head and gave small smile. "What are you doing down here?" He asked.

"Just thinking." She said slowly, making sure she didn't say anything that would scare him off like, 'Remember that night by the lake and how one thing led to another? Well, it turns out, I'm pregnant. Your going to be a daddy!' She giggled at the thought of the expression of his face if she told him that. 'How could that happen?!' He would yell. Then she would say they were two 16 year old kids who got caught up in the moment. It sounded good, now that she thought about it, but she wanted a little more time to think about it. Surely he wouldn't be that understanding about it.

He took a seat on the end of the couch. "Whatcha thinking about, Lils?" He asked her.

"Something I don't want to talk about." Her eyes drifted from his face to the fire in front of her. 'Please don't pressure me, James. Just go back to your room. Go back to bed. Dream about your girlfriend.' The last part hurt her to think, but she did anyway. 'Please, James. Don't start asking me questions. I have enough to think about.' She screamed inside her mind.

"You know you can always talk to me." He grinned. She looked back at him with a melancholy look on her face. "You ok?" He asked worried when he took a closer look at her.

"I have a question." She asked him. He nodded his head as a sign for her to go on. "Well," she started, "how do you go about telling someone something big. So big that it will effect their life and you don't know if they want it to." After the question had been said, she thought about it again. "Does that make any sense?" She asked. 

He nodded. "At least I understand it." He told her. "Is it serious?" He asked back, concerned for his friend.

"It's hypothetical." She replied quickly, looking anywhere she could except in his direction.

"Oh, well in that case..." He said. 'He's so stupid! How did I ever like him?' Her thoughts were cut off by his response.

"Well, until you know for sure, I wouldn't tell them." He said. Lily nodded. 

"Thanks." She told him. He smiled and stood up.

"Well, I'm going to go to bed now. Don't stay up to late." 

"You're not my dad." She said back, sticking out her tongue at him. It was followed by a yawn. 

"I know you better than yourself, Lily Evans. G'night." Then he was gone.

'How am I going to tell him?' She asked herself over and over until she finally fell asleep.


	2. Chapter Two

A Secret Inside

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A/N: Whoa... THANK YOU ALL FOR THE REVIEWS! Ha, Mrs. Hickey! I AM a good writer :-p (she's my English teacher, who gave me back my paper and a copy of someone else's and told me that that was how I was supposed to right and to try and write like them next time, seriously)! Anyway, I'm glad ya all like it so far! On with the next chapter!

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the other characters found in the series, they belong to J.K. Rowling.

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As soon as Lily woke up from the chair, a wave of nausea swept over her. She threw the blanket off of her, not caring who was in the room to see her in her nightgown, and ran up do the girls dorm. Not bothering to shut any of the doors she opened to get to her desired location, she leaned over the toilet. 'Please, don't let this be one of those days.' She begged. There had been times where she had to run out of class to throw up. Sadly, it didn't just happened in the mornings like she thought. Not daring to look in the bowl, she turned her head away and flushed. Then she exited the bathroom.

"Are you alright, Lily? Maybe you should go see the nurse." Her concerned friend, Leanne Torvald, told her. Lily shook her head no.

"I'm fine. I probably just ate something bad." She lied. The other girls in the room looked at her doubtfully, but didn't say anything. Lily sighed and walked to her trunk. Folded neatly on top was a fresh black work robe for her to put on. Taking it out, she made sure there were no creases in it. All of the girls in the room would call her a neat freak. Since the girls were still there, she put the robes on over her night gown and took it off underneath them. 

Corrina White giggled telling Lily that she was too modest as she pranced around in her underwear. A rosy tint found it's way on Lily's face as did a nervous smile. 'If you only knew!' She thought. After she was dressed, she went back into the bathroom. Her mouth felt so dirty and it had to smell bad. She cupped her hand and breathed into it. She was right. The first thing she did was brush her teeth. Next, she grabbed a pick and fixed her hair into a pony tail, leaving a few curly strands hanging down from it. A few minutes of primping, putting on makeup, she was satisfied and ready to leave. Just as she turned the door knob, she ran back to the toilet.

"Sorry I'm late, Professor!" Lily yelled running in late, out of breath. Heads turned around to stare at her and Professor Stanton looked at her with a sour look on his face. He was head of the Slytherin house and detested Gryffindors. One of her hands grasped the side of the nearest table to her while the other one held her stomach. She didn't want anything to happen to the baby and she didn't know if running like that was good for it. She would have to ask the nurse.

"Ten points from Gryffindor." He spat. Severus Snape snickered and mouthed something to Lucius Malfoy. She stood there trying to decode what they were saying to each other, when the Professor spoke to her again. "Do you want me to take away ten more points? Take your seat!" Slowly making her way to her chair, she fell into it. Literally. Suddenly she got tired and almost fainted, the seat caught her.

Leanne looked at her friend disbelievingly. "What's wrong with you?" She whispered out of the side of her mouth.

"Nothing. I'm fine." She smiled weakly. Shaking her head, Leanne looked back in front. They were learning how to make a truth potion, if someone drank it and told a lie, they would turn blue. Instead of listening to the lecture, Lily laid her head on her arm while her other one slipped under the table to cradle her stomach, smiling at the thought of what was inside. She was starting to get excited of the idea of having a baby, hopefully James would feel the same way. James. Jerking her head up suddenly, she looked at the father.

He was sitting in the back with Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Petter Pettigrew. They would whisper something to each other before launching a spit ball at Severus, laugh hysterically, and then act like they didn't know anything about what was going on. 

As she watched, James looked over at her and smiled. He told her to watch and the four worked on Severus' hair. The other three boys took out their wands and braided it, while James worked on a spell that was slowly turning it a Hufflepuff yellow. All of the people behind Snape started snickering, since they were all Gryffindors. All of the Slytherins sat up in the front close to the teacher.

'How mature. Great father material.' She thought sarcastically, rolling her eyes. Then she turned her head to the front. As much as she didn't want to, she smiled. Even though she wouldn't ever admit it, she thought it was funny. James was something else.

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A/N: Ok, that was kind of a not needed chapter thing going on there. Well, next one, which I'm working on, I'm going to bring in James' girlfriend and we'll get to meet her. Yay! Please r/r. I'll go on if I get 5 (I'll always ask for five when I put up a chapter, just so I know people keep reading it and they don't review for one chapter and just stop) reviews. I know it was short, but I'm working on the other one.


	3. Chapter Three

A Secret Inside

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A/N: Now, all the girls that James dates don't have to be evil, do they? In this story she's not, Lily just doesn't like her. Peter's not going to be evil either, because I don't think he always was, so I'm not going to give him a hard time. Now.... WOW! I'm SO happy! Only 2 chapters and already 50 reviews! I can NOT believe it! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!! Now I'm afraid I'm going to let everyone down. Please keep reviewing so I know I'm doing good (or bad). I don't think I can write long chapters, so I'm sorry if it's so short!

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters in the series. They belong to J.K. Rowling. I do, however, own Leanne, Corrina, and Gina.

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Chapter Three

There were many times when Gina would leave the Ravenclaw table and walk over to the Gryffindors and eat with them. Gina was what Lily considered the perfect girl, she looked like a supermodel and she was very friendly to everyone. Everyone, with the exception of the Slytherins and Lily herself, loved her. Lily was jealous. Gina was walking over to the table slowly, batting her sapphire blue eyes and swinging her long blonde hair. Slipping her arms around James and placing a kiss on his cheek, she took a seat in front of Lily.

"So how is everyone?" She asked looking everywhere, but in front of her to Lily. After what seemed like forever, she faced the red haired girl. "I hear you've been sick. I do hope you get better soon." She smiled.

Lily picked up a chicken leg and glared at the girl. "I'm fine. Don't tell me I have to go to the hospital wing." She told her coldly. Gina looked shocked, but then her face returned to normal.

"Lily, I didn't say that. I'm glad you feel well though." Gina smiled. Lily gave a fake smile that looked realistic back to her, but didn't say anything else. Instead, she picked up a roll and stuffed her mouth. The couple was talking about an upcoming dance on Halloween and what they were going to go as, when Lily got bored. She turned beside her and stared at Peter.

It seemed like forever until he realized that she was there. He was enthralled in a book. "Yes, Lily? Can I help you with something?" He asked her, suddenly self-conscious.

"I'm bored, Peter and they're putting me to sleep." She whinned. James, over hearing what Lily said, blushed. "Besides," She paused to flatten out her robe on her lap, "we never talk."

"Sorry we're so boring, Lils." James laughed. Peter took this as a he-could-go-back-to-his-story message and returned to reading. "Hey, where's Remus and Sirius?"

"And you're just now realizing their not here? I've known the girls haven't been here since I came in!" Lily stated.

James rolled his eyes. "And you're just now realizing their not here?" He mocked in a false falsetto voice. 

Lily sighed. "You are such a baby, James." 

"You are such a baby, Lily." He laughed. Suddenly, as if he just thought of something important, his face got serious. "Lils, I need to talk to you. Alone." Rolling her eyes at his sudden seriousness and nodding, she stood up. The two walked out of the great hall together and she took a seat on the stairs. "I have to tell you something. And I didn't know who else to tell, but I wanted to tell someone." He started babbling. 

She stared at him and nodded like she understood, when really, she wasn't listening. Se was thinking about what he could possibly want to tell her so badly. 'Maybe this is the time I should tell him.' She thought, her hand going unconsciously over her stomach.

"Well, see, Lils," He started, then he noticed she was holding her stomach. "Are you sick, again? Why are you always suddenly sick?" He asked her. It was obvious that what he wanted to say was hard by the way he kept changing the subject.

Her face turned a pink shade. "I'm fine." She snapped at him. All of a sudden, her patience was wearing thin with him. Then, in a mood change, she sweetly asked. "What did you want to tell me?"

He looked at her with a weird expression, before shaking it off. "I think Gina could be the one." He gave a sideways smile. His brown eyes were looking right at Lily, but it didn't look like they were looking at her. 'Ok, maybe it's not.' She thought. Lily could feel tears welling up inside of her, but refused to let them out. "I think I love her." He continued; not knowing what Lily was feeling. "I want to get married and I want," He paused for a second before finishing. "I want her to have my baby." He smiled.

That was too much for Lily to handle. She quickly stood from her spot and slapped the boy in front of her. She just wanted to die right there or at least run back to her common room and cry. Instead, she stood there, thinking of something to say. 'You can't have a baby! You don't know anything about it!' She screamed at him inside her mind. "You'll never be ready for a baby!" She yelled at him before running back to the common room, leaving a shocked James standing alone.

Lily buried her face into her fluffy pillow. The question that kept going over in her mind now wasn't how she should tell him, or even when, but if. And right then, she had no intentions to anytime soon.


	4. Chapter Four

A Secret Inside

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A/N: 77 reviews and only 3 chapters up?! That's almost the same as my other story which has 11 chapters (it has 80 reviews)! Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween. I know the chapters are so short, but I just don't know how to make them any longer! So sorry this is short! On with the story! Please r/r!

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters in the series. They all belong to J.K. Rowling. I do, however, own Leanne, Corrina, and Gina.

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Yesterday's events were pushed to the back of Lily's mind, in fact she would have forgotten about it completely, if she didn't see him in the common room the next day. It was Saturday afternoon and Lily was on a cleaning spree, muggle style. James came walking down the staircase and stopped to tie his shoe as she scrubbed the top of a bookcase. On the side of his face, was a big red handprint. Remembering what had happened, Lily winced. 

"James," She started, climbing down from the chair that she was standing in to reach the high top. She had tied her up in a bandanna with a few curly strands here and there. Her shirt was torn at the bottom and her jeans were worn and bleached in the knees. James paused for a moment, knowing who the voice belonged to, and without looking up, resumed what he was doing. "James," She tried again.

"What?" He snapped at her, finishing his shoe, but not looking up at her. `I deserved that.' She told herself. After she didn't answer him, he snapped at her again. "Well are you going to say something or just stand there?" 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that last night. I was out of line." She apologized, looking at her own feet. They were silent for a few minutes when it was suddenly broken by James.

"What is wrong with you?" He yelled at her. "You've been acting different lately." He told her. She just nodded like a kid listening to a lecture from her parents and tried hard not to cry. "Lily, why don't you tell me things anymore?" He asked more softly. "It's like, ever since we broke up, our friendship ended, too. I don't want that to happen, Lils. You're friendship means a lot to me."

"Yours means a lot to me, too." She smiled, bushing a loose strand of hair behind her ears. He smiled, too and walked over to her, bringing her into a brotherly hug. Everything was ok with them again. They stood there for a little while. 'This feels so right.' She thought. 'I should tell him.' She decided. "James," Lily started.

"Hmm?" He looked down into her emerald eyes, she felt as if he had mastered in divination and hypnotized her.

"James, I have to tell you something." She whispered, looking up at him. He nodded, telling her to go on. "Well, I'm," She started, but then the portrait hole came open and in walked Remus, Sirius and Peter, Peter's head buried in his book.

"Pro- I mean James!" Sirius, after seeing Lily, called him. "Gina's waiting out on the quidditch field. She keeps asking about you and talking about how sweet you are. It's making me sick." Then he took a closer look at the position the two were in. "Ja ames!" Sirius smiled and pointed at him. "I can't believe you, cheating on Gina." Sirius shook his head and smiled suggestively.

James immediately backed away from her. "Tell me later?" He asked her, she nodded at his retreating figure. Then she ran out of the portrait hole, not caring how she looked. Half way down an unknown empty hallway, she screamed. The sound was echoed off of the wall. 'Everyone's probably outside. No one will notice.' She thought.

"I was so close!" She yelled to herself and punched the stone wall with her fist. This time a shriek of pain escaped her lips. She rubbed her sore hand, which was bleeding. She got very tired and leaned against the wall, sobbing, not knowing what else to do.

"Lily!" Sirius exclaimed, examining the girl in front of him. She turned to face him. Her eyes were red from tears and her hand was swelling up every minute. 'Poor Lils!' Sirius thought looking at her.

Neither of them said anything else for awhile. "Ow." Was all that she said before she passed out in the middle of the hallway, leaving a shocked Sirius to take her to the hospital wing.


	5. Chapter Five

A/N: Ok, Ok, the next chapter is here and I'm sorry to make everyone wait! I've had a bit of writers block. And sorry if it's all messy at the bottom. Hope everyone had a Happy Holiday!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters in the series, they all belong to J. K. Rowling  
  
A Secret Inside   
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"She'll be fine." Lily barely heard the nurse assure the boy, It sounded so far away to her. "And the baby's ok, too. I doubt being a father will be no trouble, that is, if you stop getting into it." Nurse told Sirius. With that sentence, even though weak, Lily shot up out of bed. "Careful, dear. Don't want to hurt yourself. Best you stay in bed awhile." The nurse smiled. "I'll go make you some medicine. And you sir, make sure she stays in bed."  
  
Sirius still had a confused look on his face, yet he nodded anyway. "Lily," He started after the nurse had left them alone, well, there was an unconscious boy laying in the bed next door, but he couldn't hear anything. "Is there more than one way to make a baby? Because if there is, I don't know it." He said a grin growing on his face. "It would make since though. I mean, when my aunt was pregnant with Apollo, she did practically everything you're doing." Groaning, Lily took a pillow off of her lap and buried her head into it. "Smothering yourself can't be good for the baby." He said.  
  
"Well, wouldn't that be obvious?" She asked, putting the pillow behind her to prop her up and face Sirius.  
  
"I should hope so." He said. "So, how many people know?" Sirius asked.  
  
Lily looked at him. "Just you and nurse." She said. 'I can't believe this! Why did Nurse have to say anything about it! Now he'll probably go around telling the whole school. And I don't want James to know just yet!'  
  
"And you."   
  
"Of course!" Lily snapped. She was getting a little tired of all the questions being asked, even the ones from herself.  
  
Sirius sat for a while with Lily in silence, until he finally came up with another question. "So, who's the father?"  
  
At that same moment Leanne and James came in the room, with Gina following behind. "We came as soon as we heard. You ok, Lils?" James asked, sitting on the side of the bed that Sirius wasn't already on.   
  
Lily, while looking at Sirius, slowly tilted her head at James. "James!" He exclaimed, loudly.  
  
"What?" James asked.   
  
Lily looked at Sirius worriedly. "Um ... weren't you and Gina going to go on a date? Out in the quidditch field?" He asked, covering up his mistake. Lily's look changed to relief and Sirius smiled at her. He knew that she didn't want James to know just yet, with Gina and all. He understood.  
  
"Yeah, but we heard something happened to Lily. They said they saw you carrying her to the hospital wing, so we came up here to see her." He stated.  
  
"We wanted to see if she was all right. After all, she is our friend." Gina gave a sweet smile. 'Since when are we friends?' Lily wondered, but gave her usual fake friendly smile back.  
  
Leanne stood at the food of the bed. "So when you get out of here?" She smiled. Sometimes the nurse could be very hard on letting you out of the hospital wing, and sometimes she would let you go in a heart beat.  
  
Lily laughed. "I think I'm stuck for life."   
  
James stood up from where he sat. "Well, we best be going now. Just came by to see if you were well."  
  
Rolling her eyes, Lily asked, "How many times do I have to tell you I'm fine?"  
  
"As many as it takes for me to be satisfied." He replied, opening the door for Gina, who quickly stepped out. "Bye, guys." He said to Leanne and Sirius. He turned to Lily and winked. "Bye, doll." He said before shutting the door.  
  
"I hate him." She smiled, her face blushing. Then she looked at Sirius and Leanne, who were both still there. 'Well, I told Sirius, why not tell my best friend?' She wondered. 'Well, I didn't really tell Sirius, the nurse did...' She thought. But still, if there was ever any trouble, there would be two people she could turn too that could help out. "Leanne, I've got something to tell you." She started.  
  
Sirius put on a fake pout. "You mean I'm not going to be the only one who knows?" He asked.  
  
Lily shook her head. "Sorry." She smiled. "But only us three will know." She said.  
  
"And nurse." Sirius added.  
  
"And nurse."  
  
"Know what?" Leanne was lost on whatever subject they were talking about and the way the gibberish was going, she wasn't sure she wanted to know.  
  
"I'm pregnant." Lily told her. Sirius nodded. "And James is the father. That's why I've been acting so weird."  
  
Leanne took a moment to let the new information sink into her head. "You told Sirius, before me?" She asked.  
  
"Actually, the nurse did. Otherwise, he probably wouldn't have known either."  
  
"Hey!" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
"Well, Lily. I'm hurt that you wouldn't tell me sooner. But I guess it is kind of hard. I understand." Leanne told her.  
  
She knew Leanne wouldn't tell, and hopefully Sirius wouldn't, but she didn't know. After all, he is James' best friend. And a marauder.  
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A/N: More of a conversation chapter, this one. It probably wasn't very good, but as I said, I've had the block. Sorry bout that. And for all of you wondering when she's going to tell James ... not yet. Oh, I need a beta reader for my stories. If your interested, please e-mail me at gem2gemini@aol.com 


	6. Chapter Six

A Secret Inside  
  
A/N: Ok, I sent this to my beta awhile ago to check it over and she never got back to me with it. Then I sent it to the last person to e-mail me and offer to be a beta and sent it to her. She never got back to me either. So me, being Miss. Impatient, decided to just go ahead and post it up. Sorry you two if you're reading this. We'll try again! Also, thank you everyone who offered to be my beta reader! There were so many of you! I really wasn't expecting that many people!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters in the series. They all belong to J.K. Rowling.  
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It was now about five months into the pregnancy and it was starting to show on Lily. At first it was easy to hide. Since Leanne was larger than Lily, she leant her friend one of her robes to wear. Even though Sirius pointed out it would get harder to hide it, she took it with great gratitude.  
  
No one had said anything about her gaining weight, so when Corrina did, she was a little shocked. "Come on, Lily. We'll go on a diet together. You, too, Leanne!" Lily looked at the skinny girl horrified.   
  
"Your not fat!" Leanne exclaimed. "Look at me and look at you! Now compare the two!" Leanne was a bit upset that this thin girl thought that she was fat.  
  
"Yeah, look at me and Leanne. Now you. You're not fat." Lily told her.  
  
Leanne looked at Lily. "It's ok if I call myself big, but not for you to call me that." She said defensively.  
  
"You're not that big." Lily said.   
  
"Don't dig yourself in deeper." Leanne warned.  
  
"Just us Gryffindor girls." Corrina squealed happily. "No more fatty foods for us. Nice salads only." She said. 'My baby's got to eat!' Lily thought to herself.  
  
Shaking her head said, "No." Corrina was about to start begging, but Leanne stopped her. "Lily's got a good reason not to." She informed.   
  
"Well, what about you?" She asked. "I don't want to do it by myself. It's no fun."  
  
"Ask Gina to do it with you." Lily snapped. Corrina thought about this a minute and decided to do it, considering that the others made it clear they weren't up to it. "I don't know how she does it." Lily sighed as Corrina skipped out of the room to go find James' girlfriend.  
  
Lily stood up from the bed that she was sitting on in the dorms. "I'm thinking about going to the lake."  
  
"Why?" Leanne asked her. "It's cold outside. You don't need to get sick."  
  
The red haired girl started laughing at her overprotective friend. "You're not my mother. Don't worry. I'll be fine." Then she walked to the door, only to be stopped by something hitting her in the back. "What now?"  
  
"Don't forget your jacket, Dodo brain." Leanne said, rolling her eyes. Lily bent down to pick up her jacket. 'Soon I wont be able to do even that!' She thought, thinking about books and movies she had seen with pregnant women in them. She would have time to think about that down at the lake.  
  
There was never anyone down at the lake, and if there was, you usually couldn't see them or they were sleeping. Lily loved to go there to think. It was just a nice quiet spot for her to go to. She had made it through the common room without anyone stopping her, but just as she reached the portrait hole, she heard someone call her.  
  
"Lils! Where are you going off too?" James asked from the couch.  
  
"The lake." She replied, tightening her jacket around her. James got up from his place and walked briskly over to her. "And where are you going, might I ask." She asked him when he grabbed his coat and walked over to her.  
  
He flashed a grin at her. One of his hands went into his blue jean pocket, which Lily had gotten him for Christmas from the muggle world, and his other went over her shoulder. "Why, Lily flower, we're going to the lake, of course." He replied.  
  
"Since when were you invited?" She asked looking back behind her. Sirius was sitting on the couch talking to Leanne, who must have just came from the common room.   
  
"Since I decided to come along." He told her. "What? Did you not want me to come?" He put on a fake pout, just like the one that Sirius did in the hospital wing when she told Leanne her secret.  
  
"It doesn't matter."  
  
The lake was almost deserted. Key word there being almost. With the exception of them, there was one other person who decided to stroll down the snowy path to the lake. That one person, though, was the one person that Lily didn't want to see.  
  
"James!" Gina called, waving to him.  
  
Lily felt like her blood was boiling. There was just something about Gina that she didn't like. 'Could it be that I still love James?' She wondered, then quickly pushed the thought away. "So that's why you wanted to come down here." Lily spat out, like a Slytherin would.  
  
James looked over at her, a bit confused. "I had no idea that Gina was going to be down here, Lils. But is that a problem?" He asked.  
  
Looking shocked, she answered the question. "No!" She exclaimed, looking at Gina who was just standing by the tree waiting for James to go over there. "Why should I have a problem with it? She's your girlfriend." She shot back. He smiled and shrugged. "It's not like I'm jealous!" She yelled.  
  
The smile on James' face turned to a grin. "I didn't say you were Lils, Lily flower." He said slowly.   
  
"Good. Cause I'm not!" She said quickly.  
  
"No, your not." He agreed, still grinning.  
  
"Stop that!" She yelled.   
  
"Stop what?"  
  
"Grinning like I am!"  
  
"You're not grinning." He pointed out.  
  
Lily let out a frustrated sigh. "Honestly!" She yelled. "I hate you!" Then she turned around to go back to the castle.  
  
James kept grinning. "I love you, too!" He called to her as she stormed off.  
  
When she was back in the common room, Sirius and Leanne immediately walked over to her. "Sirius told me he convinced James to go with you. So that you could tell him..." Leanne trailed off while Lily gave the boy a death glare. "Did you tell him?"  
  
"No. I had no intentions too either." She frowned, still glaring at Sirius.  
  
"Well, don't you think it's about time you tell him?" Sirius asked, slowly backing up behind Leanne.  
  
Lily sighed. "Yes." She admitted. "But how will I go about it?" She wondered. Leanne shook her head, indicating that she didn't know.  
  
"Ah, I'm sure you'll find a way, Lils. You are the smartest one in Gryffindor, after all." Sirius said.  
  
Lily cocked an eyebrow. "Just Gryffindor, eh?" She teased.  
  
"Which reminds me! I've got to meet Ryda at the library now!" Sirius exclaimed, running to the portrait hole.  
  
"Sirius," Leanne started. "Do you even know where the library is?"  
  
He looked at her with a mocking face, but stopped halfway and started blushing. "I'll find it." The two girls started laughing hysterically.  
  
"You better show him." Lily smiled, occasionally giggling every now and then. "He'll get lost if you don't."  
  
"Really." Her friend said, rolling her eyes. "We'll talk when I get back." Lily nodded.  
  
When the two had left, she was the only one left in the common room. She took of her jacket, draping it on the arm rest of her favorite red chair and sat down in it. She couldn't help but remember the night when James came down and she asked him what he would have done. He wouldn't tell, not then anyway. What about now?  
  
"How should I tell him?" She asked out loud, considering the fact there was no one else there. "Should I go into detail? So he can remember how it happened?" Blushing, she quickly ruled that one out. "Should I just say, look, I've got something important to say, so listen up." She shook her head. "To demanding." She concluded. With a bit of a struggle, Lily got up from the chair.  
  
"James," She practiced. "I'm pregnant. The baby is yours. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I didn't know how you would react." That was it. That was what she would tell him.  
  
"You're what?" A familiar voice behind her asked. She spun around quickly to face the person she was practicing for. It was James, with a look of disbelief plastered on his face. There was no mistake. He had heard.  
  
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A/N: Ok, that's all for now, but have I now answered the question 'when is she going to tell him'. I have no idea past this point what happens during pregnancy, so sorry if there are mistakes like that in here. Please review! 


	7. Chapter Seven

A Secret Inside  
  
A/N: Thank you, Karen! *Hugs new James plushie* I know, I know, it's been so long, but I've finally gotten into a writing mood, so here it is. This probably isn't the best chapter, but I'm writing it for fun! I've also got most of the next chapter written so it shouldn't take long to post. I'm thinking it's going to end soon, maybe 3 more chapters give or take.  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own these characters, they all belong to J.K. Rowling. I also used lyrics from the song Ironic in this chapter, which I do not own. It's Alanis Morissette's song. (It fit and I couldn't resist the urge to use it!). I do, however, own Gina, Leanne, Corrina, and Ryda (who was briefly mentioned and may never be again ^.^).  
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Chapter 7  
  
Wiping her red puffy eyes, which were the color of her flaming hair now, Lily started laughing. '*Well, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's ok and everything's going right.' She thought.  
  
Just then Leanne came in from her and Sirius' trip to the library. "If I didn't know any better," She said as she walked over to the couch where Lily was sitting. "I'd say that Sirius was hitting on me just now."  
  
"Sirius hits on everyone." Lily said, looking away so her friend wouldn't notice that she had been crying. "In fact, I'm surprised he hasn't started on the male population yet."  
  
"Lily! That was mean!" Leanne exclaimed, trying to look serious, but failing and ending up laughing.  
  
"It was awful of me." Lily sighed. "I shouldn't say things like that. Sirius did nothing to me but be a great friend."  
  
Leanne nodded in agreement and added, "Not to mention that I think I like him." Lily looked at her friend, wide eyed and opened mouthed. "Lily! You've been crying! What happened?" Leanne asked worriedly.  
  
Letting out a groan, Lily took a pillow and covered her face with it. She didn't want to talk about it, she was tired of thinking about it, and her back was starting to hurt her. Leanne waited patently for an answer, so after a while, Lily finally gave in and said two words. "James knows."  
"You're pregnant." James said, answering his own question.  
  
Lily nodded her response and he let out a sigh that didn't help tell her how he was feeling. "I was going to tell you soon," She started to explain, but he didn't listen to her. Instead he just turned around and walked back out of the portrait hole. "James!" She called after him, but he had already left.  
"What a jerk!" Leanne yelled as she patted Lily's shoulder, who had fresh tears in her eyes after she told what had happened. "I swear, next time I see him, he's going to be cursed by one curse he will wish I didn't know." She said.   
  
"Leanne, I just want to go to sleep." Lily said, sounding helpless. Leanne felt sorry for her friend as she helped her stand. "Thanks." She said, walking slowly up the steps to the dorms, shuffling her feet.  
  
They didn't talk to each other, Lily and James, or see each other, unless they were in classes together. The two tried their best to avoid one another. Everyone wondered why, considering the fact that they had once been great friends. People would ask them, but the subject would be changed.  
  
It was a week and six days after he found out at breakfast time. Sirius was torn between sitting with Lily or James, so he created the every other day schedule. Today he was sitting with James, Remus, Peter, Gina, and some other girls. Lily sat with Leanne, Corrina, and another Gryffindor girl named Sarah Andrews. "I hate her." Lily said, referring to Gina. "I've never liked her, the little bi-"  
  
"Lily, what was last nights potions homework?" Leanne interrupted.  
  
Corrina started laughing. "How cute! You've still got a thing for James." She giggled. "I know he still has feelings for you, too. I mean, Gina's cool, but I don't think she goes with him like you do."  
  
"Who said that I still like James?" Lily snapped angrily. "I hate him, too. He's a ba-"  
  
"Lily, potions?" Leanne interrupted again.  
  
Rolling her eyes, Lily answered, "We didn't have any potions." Her eyes rolled in the direction of James and the group. They were all laughing and having a good time, which made Lily not only want to kill James, but Sirius, too, for having a good time with him. Just then James looked over at her. They stared at each other for a minute, before Gina said something making him take his eyes away and start kissing her.  
  
"Ugh, look at that." Sarah said, noticing Gina and James. "Honestly, can't they go to their room and snog there?"  
  
"That mother fu-"  
  
"Lily, transfiguration?" Leanne interrupted, yet again.  
  
Sighing, Lily laid her head down on the table. "Lily? You ok?" Corrina asked. Lily started sobbing. The other three girls looked at each other and Sarah started patting her back.  
  
"It's ok," Sarah said. "James is a jerk, for whatever he did." She told Lily, not sure of what happened, since only Leanne and Sirius knew.  
  
Lifting her head, Lily took the sleeve of her robe and wiped her eyes. "No, it's really my fault." She said.   
  
"No, it's not your fault. You couldn't have done it yourself, Lily." Leanne reassured her friend. Hundreds of owls flew in, dropping letters and packages down in front of various different people. Lily opened her mouth to say something, when gasps of shock grabbed her attention.  
  
The girls turned their heads down to where everyone else was looking, which was at the end of their table. There was a sniggering Remus and Peter, a stiff Sirius, and a pale looking James. Gina was petting his back, like he was a dog while the other people over there were all staring, with more arriving. "What's going on?" Leanne asked.  
  
"Ha!" Malfoy laughed. "James Potter got a howler!"   
  
Everyone became quiet, curious why he was getting a howler. Even though he was in second place with the most detentions, Sirius was in first, his parents still never got onto him and he never got a howler before. Lily felt sick inside wondering if it was what she thought it was about. As if to answer her question, James looked down at her. Then the letter began shaking. 


	8. Chapter Eight

A Secret Inside  
  
A/N: Here's what happened... :: sees angry glares:: um... on with the story? ::burries her head in HP and the OOTP which she has already read:: Please remember this story was written BEFORE OOTP  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters in the series. They belong to J.K. Rowling.  
  
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"You heard what she said." James told Lily who was sitting on Remus' bed (which happened to be the cleanest of them) as he packed. Lily nodded, she had heard what the howler had said, well actually had yelled. Who hadn't? Luckily, her name had been left out of it, yet still it was embarrassing and stressful.   
  
The howler had been from his aunt that he stayed with while his parents were off fighting dark witches and wizards. He had told her after Lily had told him the news for supports thinking that she would understand. Boy was he wrong. As the whole school had heard, because James was the most irresponsible person in the world, he would be leaving Hogwarts for the rest of the year.  
  
"There's not much left in the year anyway and I'll be coming back next year." James went on.  
  
Lily nodded and watched as he folded up his clothes. "So what about Gina?" She acted like she wasn't really interested in what she just asked when really she was dying inside.  
  
"What about her?" James asked slowly, pausing his folding and taking a glance at her from the corner of his eye.  
  
Shrugging, she replied, "Well, how are you two? How is she taking this whole you leaving thing?"   
  
"I don't know." He admitted, throwing his dress robes in his trunk.  
  
"Why don't you just use magic?" Lily asked raising her wand to pack for him.  
  
"Maybe because I want to talk to someone that I haven't talked to in a long time." He replied grabbing and unwinding a scarf that she had floating up in the air. "Lily," He started wadding it up and throwing it carelessly. "I'm sorry." He apologized. "I've been such a stupid git, worse than Snape even." James told her. "Please forgive me." He begged.  
  
Lily was taken back by this. It just wasn't expected. Of course, she had every right to not forgive him if she wanted and to just walk out of there right then, but there was something in his eyes that told her to do it. "Of course I forgive you, James." She said softly, wanting to be in his arms. He smiled and hesitantly took a step forward. They looked at each other for a moment, just a moment but a magical one without their wands. "But stop acting like such a prat!" Lily yelled quickly and surprisingly.   
  
She was getting so caught up in that one magical moment she hadn't realized her and James' faces were just an inch away. He jerked back suddenly and shocked. "Lily," He started taking a step towards her.   
  
"You know what, James? I've really got to go. You know, Leanne. So um... when exactly are you leaving?" Looking at the ground, she was determined to avoid eye contact at all cost. He didn't like her like that anymore. He didn't love her like she did to him and she did not want heartache.   
  
James went back to his trunk and was really uncomfortable. "The next train out of here. Tomorrow around noon." He replied.  
  
"Oh." She said tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear. "Ok." She opened the door to go out but James grabbed her arm gently.   
  
"I'll see you before then, Lils, wont I?" He asked. Still looking at the ground, she nodded. "Promise?" Another nod. He lifted her head up and looked into her eyes and she gave a soft smile.  
  
"James, can I confess something?" She asked turning away from in walking back into the room.  
  
He looked a little confused but told her, "Sure, you can tell me anything."  
  
"James, I'm always thinking of you." She admitted, not looking at him. Her face was turning red thinking about what she was going to say. She was going to tell him, she was going to tell him at last that she loved him. "I don't know if I can be just friends anymore." Just as she said that, Remus, Peter, and Sirius entered the room.  
  
Remus went over to his bed and sat on it, Sirius jumped on top of whatever was growing on his, and Peter went over to Remus' bed, too. "So you're really leaving?" Remus asked.  
  
"Why? What did you do?" Peter asked.  
  
James looked at Lily who was walking out the door. "Nothing." He told them.  
  
"Lily flower, Lily flower, where are you going?" Sirius sang following her out of the room.  
  
"To my room." Lily replied. "I just need to be alone now, Sirius. Ok?" She asked. He nodded understandingly as she went on without him.  
  
'What will he say tomorrow?' Wondered Lily when she got to her room. 'And did we almost kiss?' They were after all just an inch away... 'No.' Lily concluded. 'He loves Gina, remember? He said so a long time ago...' Had it been a long time since James' had said he wanted to have Gina's baby? It seemed like just yesterday to her.   
  
Leanne peaked into the room a little while later. "Want company?" She asked. "Corrina's getting on my last nerves." Smiling Lily waved a hand letting her friend know that it was ok to enter. "So... what's new?" She asked conversationally.  
  
"Well, after James left the Great Hall and I followed him, I told him that I didn't think we could be just friends." Lily told her.   
  
Leanne's eyes opened wide and she giggled. "Seriously? What did he say?"  
  
Raising an eyebrow, Lily told her that everyone decided to come in right at that moment. "It's not like you to get all," Lily searched for a word to fit. "Girlie."  
  
"What? I'm not entitled to be girlie?" Leanne asked.  
  
"You know what I mean." Lily glared. "I'm sorry." She said after a minute of silence. "My feet are killing me as is my back, I'm worried about this baby and if I'm doing everything right and then there's the stress of James..." Lily heaved a frustrated sigh.  
  
Suddenly, the door burst open revealing a happy looking Sirius. "Guess what!" He yelled.  
  
Leanne and Lily exchanged looks. "What?" Lily asked, raising up on her elbows.  
  
"James just told us what you said..." He began.  
  
"WHAT?!" Lily yelled. Leanne jumped up to make room in case she wanted to get up. "That wasn't supposed to be for anyone else to know but him!"  
  
Sirius ignored her and went on with what he was saying. "Then he started saying how much he missed spending time with you and everything, boring stuff really, but then he said that he was going to break up with Gina..." Lily was amazed at how much more girlie Sirius was. Leanne was even laughing at him gossiping so excitedly. Then something that he said started slowly registering in her head. He was going to break up with Gina!  
  
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A/N: I'm sorry for it being so late and I'm not going into excuses either. Well, just one more chapter to go! 


	9. Chapter Nine

A Secret Inside  
  
Chapter 9  
  
A/N: Ok, I know that I said in the last chapter that I'd only have one more chapter to go, but thanks to my lovely new beta's idea, Starburst Queen, this will be longer than I thought... But it's a good idea! Well, hope you like it and tankies to my new beta. ::gives her a tank::  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the characters in the Harry Potter series, they belong to J.K. Rowling.  
  
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Was this really true? Was James really going to break up with Gina, the person that he said that he had loved? Lily couldn't just wait to find out, she jolted out the door and headed up to the boys stairwell as fast as she could, which wasn't very fast. She had to see him right away even if it had only been a few minutes.  
  
"James?" She called barging into the room.  
  
Remus looked up from the book that he was reading and Peter rolled off the bed in surprise. "James isn't here, Lily." Remus told her, going back to his book, the corners of his mouth moving into a smile. He knew why Lily was there...  
  
"And where is he?" She demanded, hands on her hips, already knowing the answer to this, just stalling for time.  
  
Peter climbed up on his bed again and sat with his back against the headboard. "He went to go meet Gina." Peter obviously didn't catch on as quickly as Remus did. After he looked at her and back at Remus, his cheeks started turning pink. "But you knew that, didn't you." It wasn't a question, but a statement.  
  
Lily smiled. "So it's true?" Her eyes were shining with excitement. "He's really going to break up with Gina?" Remus nodded. "Sirius told me, but I wasn't sure. I mean, I didn't believe..." The words were lost as Lily couldn't really think straight. She had to get to James. But she felt as if she took one more step she would just die.  
  
"Something wrong, Lily?" Remus asked in a concerned voice. Deciding to give her his full attention, he shut his book. Weird. Peter was usually the one with the book.  
  
She shook her head and sat down on James bed. It was still messed up from his packing, but she wasn't taking the chance to sit on the home of the growth on Sirius' bed. "My feet are killing me... and so is my back." She replied truthfully with a sigh. "I just need to sit down for a moment."  
  
"Lily," Remus started, glancing at Peter for a moment then back at her. Her heart started pounding faster. Did they know? Did Sirius tell? Did James? "Something's going on, we're not stupid." Lily let out a sigh. No, they weren't stupid, she had to agree. Remus was one of the smartest people that she knew and Peter, well, Peter was a friend of the others. "Are you..." Remus asked trailing off.  
  
"Well, finish your question." She snapped. Remus didn't finish. Instead he picked up his book and started reading, mumbling 'never mind'. Lily started feeling bad. "I'm sorry." She apologized. "I'm cranky."  
  
Remus nodded, but refused to say anything more. Peter didn't look like he was up for much conversation either. After sitting in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, Lily decided that it was time for her to run and look for James. "Well, I'm off." She told the two boys as she got up.  
  
Peter nodded and waved his hands to the door, motioning for her to leave. 'Well, that's rude!' Lily thought as she headed out of the room. "Lily," Remus called her back, not glancing up from his book. Turning around she poked her head back in and raised an eyebrow. Why was he asking for her return? "Just be careful." Then he went back to his book. With a nod that neither of them saw, she left.  
  
With no clue in mind whatsoever of where to go, Lily just wandered aimlessly down the halls. She could search outside to look for him, but it was freezing cold and she didn't have her jacket with her to keep her warm enough.   
  
After looking around the castle, she was about to give up when she heard voices coming from an empty class room nearby. The words sounded like they could belong to anyone, but when one of the muffled voices sounded like it said her name, she had to get closer to it and find out. Luckily, the door to the room was open a crack, enough where she could see in and hear if she really tried hard enough.  
  
"It's Lily! Isn't it? She's the reason that you're breaking up with me!" The voice obviously belonged to Gina, who didn't sound as happy as she normally did. So James really was breaking up with Gina! Was he really doing it because he was in love with Lily though? The red head's heart started to beat fast. Maybe...  
  
She'd have to hear more.  
  
Peeking through the open crack in the door, she saw an upset, crying, Gina stand in front of a pacing James. "No, it's not Lily!" That was James. "This has nothing to do with her."  
  
"Liar!" Gina shrieked hysterically. If Lily had time to think about it, she would have felt sorry for the girl James was dumping. She didn't have time to think though, she was so caught up in her own thoughts and problems.  
  
"Look, Lily means nothing to me, ok? Nothing!" His pacing had stopped and he was yelling back at her. "I don't care about Lily, ok? She's just another girl I went out with!"  
  
That was too much and it was possibly the worst thing that he could say in his life. How could he say that? Just another girl that he went out with? She didn't mean anything more to him than the other bimbos? For crying out loud, she was carrying his kid! Not bothering to listen to the rest, she started running back to the common room hoping that Leanne or Sirius was there. She needed one of them now more than ever.  
  
Getting to the portrait hole, her distress was so great, that she had forgotten the password. Lily was so upset about what she had overheard, her brain wasn't functioning properly. Was James serious about what he had just said. Sobbing uncontrollably, Lily slid down the wall beside the fat lady's portrait, feet out in front of her and head in her hands. "Poor thing." The portrait looked sorry, but still didn't open to let her in.  
  
Leanne walked out of the common room with Sirius following behind. The two were laughing, but soon stopped when they heard the sobs of their friend. "Lily! What's wrong? Was it James?" Nodding, she repeated what she had overheard going on in the empty class room. Sirius put a reassuring arm around her while Leanne tried to calm her down.   
  
"Lily?" The three heads looked up to see James standing down the hallway, a look of concerned plastered on his face. "What's wrong?" His voice held a tone of worry. 'Is he really concerned about me or is he just pretending?' Lily thought wiping her eyes clear of the fresh tears that had formed. She couldn't tell.  
  
Turning her head away, she buried it in Sirius' chest. "Go away, James." He was about to object, but Leanne's icy glare made him decide different and he entered the common room. Lily could take care of this baby herself. She didn't need him.  
  
If she had bothered to stay, she would have heard Gina continue to yell at James. If she had bothered to stay, she would have heard James break down and say that it was all a lie. If she had bothered to stay, she would have heard him confess that he did care for her more than anyone else. If she had bothered to stay, she would have heard him say that he loved her. If she had bothered to stay, but instead she ran away.  
  
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A/N: Now how soap is this? lol Ok, remember that this was started before OOTP came out (but then again, I guess it never really was following the books to begin with). Wow! I've almost reached 300 reviews! Thank you everyone that's reviewed so far (I really wanna thank everyone individually, but that'd be longer than the chapter. I'll make a separate chapter when the stories finished thanking everyone and reply to them). Please r/r saying if it's good/bad. ^.^ 


	10. Chapter Ten

**A Secret Inside**

_Chapter 10_

The train had already left and James was gone. Lily didn't know when he would be back for the remainder of the year or even if he would be coming back. Gina was no longer the sweet person everyone thought she had been. When James had broken up with her Gina grew bitter. Whenever she passed Lily in the hallways she always had an unpleasant remark towards her. Slytherin would have best suited her now.

Ever since James had left everything was so quiet. Not that was necessarily a good thing because everyone seemed to miss his presence. Including Lily. Even after hearing those words he was saying to Gina as they broke up she still felt something for him. Something inside of her told her that he didn't possibly mean those things he had said.

Lily was seven months pregnant now. Everyone in the school was making assumptions that she was pregnant and of course they were right. Now Lily didn't even have the strength to fight off the things that were said about her. Since James left she had been depressed not even wanting to get out of bed. Eating made her sick and she only did because she loved her unborn child with all her heart.

"James is back with his parents now. They're letting him come back for exams." Remus said one afternoon at lunch. Lily's interest was peaked.

"You've talked to him?" She asked eagerly. It was the best news that she had heard in a while. "Has he mentioned anything about..." She trailed off afraid of the answer to the question she was about to finish asking. Had he mentioned anything about her? She missed him so much and felt awful for the way she had treated him. She would have given anything to see him again.

Sirius gave one of his roguish grins to Lily. "He might have said something about our Lily flower here..."

Her eyes lifted up from where they unconsciously fell to her plate while she was thinking. "He did?"

"He misses you. A lot." Sirius told her seriously. A blush crept its way to her cheeks. James missed her. After all she did to him. She slapped him. She yelled at him. She ignored him and pushed him away. Not that he had been great to her. They were both at fault. Yet both of them still missed the other one.

"Excuse me." Lily said struggling to get up from the table. "I'm going to go lay down for a bit." She smiled. Everyone in the clique nodded and understood.

As Lily walked back to her room what luck would have it that she ran into the bitter Gina. "If it isn't the school slut." The words were harsh and cut to Lily like a knife.

"Don't, Gina, please." Lily begged. She couldn't take one more dramatic thing happening to her at the moment. All she wanted to do was head back to her room and think about James. How he missed her despite everything that had happened between them. The tension they had before they started dating and all that had happened recently despite all that he loved her.

Gina didn't move though. Instead she stood there at the top of the steps blocking Lily's path. Being around Gina had always made her uncomfortable, but this time there was something different. There was something in Gina's eyes that made Lily feel even more uneasy than usual. "James was mine. If you hadn't been," She trailed off as her eyes fell to Lily's stomach. "He'd still be mine."

Lily's hand slowly lowered to her side ready to grab her wand for protection if she needed it. Not knowing what to expect she was afraid and wanted to make sure Gina didn't notice she was heading for her wand. Surely Gina wouldn't do anything harmful. Right? The beautiful perfect Ravenclaw every girl in Hogwarts wanted to be and every guy wanted to be with. Little miss perfect wouldn't do anything that would ruin that perfect reputation would she? Lily hoped not.

One hand held her stomach protectively as the other one was ready to test how fast her reflexes were if Gina decided to do something crazy. "This is ridiculous. Just stop it already. James doesn't care about you in that way. Accept it and get over it already."

That was the wrong thing to say.

Her eyes narrowed into slits as she quickly lifted her wand in front of Lily's face. Too slow to grab her own wand, an incredibly strong force exploded from the tip of Gina's sending Lily flying backwards.

The scream she let out as she tumbled down the stairwell echoed throughout the empty hallway, but echoed loud enough to where she could be heard. People that had heard the loud shrill scream she let out went to find her at the bottom of the steps unconscious. And on her stomach.

The depression she was feeling when James left was nothing compared to this next feeling when she came to. The nurse had told her she would be alright. A few broken bones, but she was fine. As for her baby... she couldn't even phantom the idea that it was gone. It had been with her for seven months. She had taken good care of it, hadn't she? It wasn't gone. It couldn't be gone. He or she couldn't have been...

Sirius, Leanne, and Remus sat on the bed trying to comfort the hysterical Lily. It was all to no avail. She didn't want their comfort. What she wanted was her baby back. What she wanted was for them to tell her everything was all one big cruel prank. One she would forgive them for no matter how cruel as long as she had her baby back. Her mind wouldn't, couldn't, wrap around the thought.

For weeks Lily wouldn't leave the common room and all of her teachers understood. Even the Slytherin head of house understood. Leanne brought her homework that Lily refused to do. The books piled on her side table as her grades began to suffer. It didn't matter though. Nothing mattered to her anymore.

It seemed like nothing was going to cheer up. That is until exams came around. It was near impossible to get her to move and eat. There were times no one saw her move all day and thought she was catatonic.

"Where is she?" A familiar voice yelled from in the common room. Lily's ears perked up, but she did not move. She knew that voice anywhere, but was it really his voice or was it all in her head. She had been hearing that voice for so long now telling her everything was ok. But he was never there. "Well go get her down here. I don't care. Drag her if you have to." She heard it again.

When Lily tried to stand up it was like she had forgotten how to walk. Her legs immediately gave out from underneath her weight. The second attempt was more successful as she stood on her feet. It was time to get out of her night gown that she had on for longer than she probably should have. It wasn't easy for her, but right now he was what she needed to get her through.

It was actually quite refreshing to clean up where she hadn't bathed and putting on those freshly clean black work robes was also a wonderful feeling. But the feeling quickly vanished as she thought she shouldn't have that feeling. Her baby never had that feeling after all and it was her fault.

Slowly she made her way down to the common room where everyone was catching up with the ever popular James Potter. She wasn't sure what to do or what to say. Did he know about what happened? Did he hate her for not finding a way to stop it? For not grabbing her wand first or for not staying at the table with the others when she should have?

Everyone was surprised to see her as she stood on the stairs. She hated stairs. They all rushed to her side to ask her if she was ok, except James. He stood there looking at her as if he had never seen her before. But his gaze wasn't one of hate like she thought it would be.

"Can I talk to Lily alone guys?" He asked after a moment. Reluctantly everyone left the two people they hadn't seen in a while alone.

"I'm so sorry, James." She cried. "He's gone. She's gone. It's gone." She broke down in front of him like she didn't want to do.

"It wasn't your fault, Lils." He said taking her into his arms and holding her tightly. "Gina's been expelled I hear. And good riddance. I can't believe she did this to you. To us." His hand cupped her cheek as he made her look into his eyes. There was a mixture of emotions there. One was hurt. He wanted the baby as much as she did she realized. He had never admitted it before, but she could tell now. "We'll get through this." He added continuing to look deep into her eyes.

"I just wish I could have stopped it somehow." Her crying had stopped now. Not because she was any less upset about what had happened, but because she was slowly realizing something. She loved her baby that she lost. She would always love it no matter what. She could show it the love by showing it to her next baby that she would have in the future.

"I love our baby, Lily. They may not be here with us now, but they'll come back later. I know it. When we're married. When we leave Hogwarts." He grinned at her.

Looking into James eyes she noticed something else. It wasn't about the situation they had been in, but the one they were currently in. It was a look of adoration. It was a look of love. Everything would be all right.

_**A/N**:_ _I'm sorry everyone. Its been two years since I've visited this site and a total of four years since I've updated this story. A friend of mine sent me a fanfic her friend had written and it reminded me of this. So many of you actually liked this story and I'm so glad that you did. It felt wrong of me to leave this unfinished. I don't remember where I was going with this story so long ago, but this is how I am ending it. I'm sorry if it didn't meet expectations, but I'm glad some of you out there like it. It means a lot to me so many of you read this and left me such wonderful reviews. Thank you all! Maybe I'll start writing again on something I know more about (I admit I didn't know what the heck I was writing when I wrote this). Thank you all for reading!_


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